The Stig~

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks that "credit-crunch" is some kind of a breakfast cereal.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face.

Some say that he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he's never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he's a huge fan of Midsomer Murders!

Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes!

Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brand's answering machine.

Some say that he invented November. And that if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot.

Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him.

Some say he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat.

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds...

Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet...

Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest... (Reference to Zinedine Zidane's headbutting during the world Cup final)

Some say that his first name really is "The," and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant including the camera men... .

Some say that he's a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's American cousin!

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears' head...

Some say he isn't machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve...

Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he'd been the video referee at the World Cup Rugby Final, he'd have seen ' of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit'!

Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face (iPhone), like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiney mouth shut!

Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of I'm A Celebrity because he is scared of trees... and Australia... and Koo Stark... and Ant... and Dec.

Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us.

ALL WE KNOW IS, HE'S CALLED THE STIG~~~